I hope that you are enjoying the signs of Spring, which usually elicits the feeling of positivity as we leave winter behind and look forward to summer. Perhaps you already have a vacation planned this year? I hope so! I am looking forward to more time with family and friends, and many great moments in the outdoors.
Over the past few weeks I have been working with some of my clients to help them improve their communication skills, specifically focusing on “active listening” as their skill development. Our conversations have been insightful, and I want to share some of these highlights about active listening that will help you too!
Currently, many organizations are focusing on improving their employee experience and engagement. They have identified active listening as a critical communication skill for leaders. A 2020 Emtrain Workplace Culture Report cited that 31% of employees said their leaders lack empathy and don’t show interest in their direct reports. Empathy and interest starts with listening. We have lots of room to improve those statistics.
Being a good listener isn’t as easy in these times of busyness with a million things to do, deadlines to meet, death by meetings, and spending quality time with team members. It’s a lot to juggle, leaving many people feeling tired, stretched, and stressed.
When we are in this state, disruptive behaviors appear, such as:
- Being preoccupied during 1:1 or group meetings and distracted by phone and/or computer notifications.
- Hearing the words being spoken but not connecting with the context, intent, or emotion of the other person.
- Doing most of the talking and directing the discussion.
- Having assumptions or biases about the person or the situation, and pre-conceived outcomes.
The above points illustrate someone who is very distracted and disconnected. I know that we can all resonate with these from time to time, either being on the doing or receiving side of poor listening. This highlights an opportunity to gain so much more from our conversations.
As the research suggests, the reasons why organizations are putting emphasis on this skill development is profound. The following are outcomes that organizations want to improve through active listening:
- Increased trust and connection: people know that they care, are interested, and support them.
- Improved engagement and motivation: team members feel heard and empowered.
- Improved business strategies: broaden perspectives through others who are working with the reality of the business demands.
- Improved decision-making: discover solutions through innovative discussions with their team and peers.
- Developed leadership presence and an example that others want to follow.
To achieve these outcomes, the following steps and behaviors will help you become an active listener:
1. Set the Intention:
- Adopt a new mindset to what it means to being an active listener. I like to introduce the Learner vs. Judger framework into my active listening conversations.
- Become a curious learner. Consider how and where you can show up with a growth mindset and interest to seek new perspectives.
- Remove judgement: Put aside assumptions or biases that you may have about the individual or situation so that you can fully understand and learn.
2. Be fully present:
- Allow time between meetings to pause and reset, blocking off sufficient time to have a thorough discussion. Shut off distractions.
3. Be attentive:
- Actively face the person, share eye contact, acknowledge understanding by nodding and paraphrasing periodically what they have said.
4. Ask open-ended questions:
- Ask questions that creates an open dialogue to seek the other person’s point of view. Be careful not to influence a particular outcome. Some examples:
- “What is the difficulty that you are experiencing in this situation?”
- What is your/our biggest learning from this project?”
- “What information are we missing to make the next best decision?”
- “How do you feel about taking that next step?”
- “What do you/we need more of to work through this challenge?”
5. Apply Emotional Intelligence:
- Be attentive to their emotions and body language. Notice if it may be incongruent with what they are saying. Regulate your own emotion if needed to create a calm space.
Active listening is about how we show up intentionally to interact and respond so that others truly know they have a place in the conversation and are feeling heard. It ensures that we understand their motivations and what they care about. In business, it helps us be more effective. As an individual, we show others that we are giving them quality time.
Often we need to do more listening and less talking. One of my clients had a breakthrough when I introduced the acronym WAIT (Why Am I Talking?) as his reminder to shift into active listening when he was doing most of the talking in his team meetings. He has since shared this with his team leaders.
Reflection: Which of these active listening skills do you feel is your biggest area of development? Pick one and work on it over the next 1-2 weeks. Then take a moment to reflect on the impact it has made to your conversations.
An additional resource to share:
Being a curious learner and removing judgement is a powerful component to active listening. I introduced the framework of Learner vs. Judger Mindset, based on the book “Change Your Questions, Change Your Life”, written by Marilee Adams, PhD. Here is the LINK for your reading interest.